How self-advocacy can unfortunately turn into oppression

When we are hurt, we reach for protection. That is human. The trouble comes when protection borrows tools from the very systems we are trying to dismantle.

For example, a leader who is targeted in one dimension might leverage a dominant identity, or institutional power, to “win” a conflict. Sometimes it is subtle, like who gets the last word. Sometimes it is catastrophic, like using positional privilege and proximity to power (funders, law enforcement, media, etc.) to isolate or target a colleague or organizational.

This pattern is rarely intentionally harmful. It becomes more likely when leaders lack support, have significantly unhealed harm (whether they are aware of it or not), are under public pressure, or have never been coached to hold multiple social locations with greater mindfulness and accountability at the same time.

Coalitions get sturdier when leaders practice this sentence privately, before they need it publicly: The part of me that is hurting deserves care, and the part of me that holds power must prioritize accountability.

When headlines, donors, or governing bodies start punishing anything labeled “DEI,” leaders often respond by tightening language, pausing initiatives, or quietly moving responsibilities into “HR” where they feel less visible.

Sometimes that’s prudent. Sometimes it’s panic.

Either way, the operational risk is real:

• Recruiting and retention suffer when people don’t trust the culture.

• Decision-making slows when leaders can’t name what matters.

• Conflict grows when people have no shared repair process.

It all begins with an idea.

It all begins with an idea.

It all begins with an idea.