By Tracie Guy-Decker, Joyous Justice Senior Partner

In a recent conversation on the podcast, we talked about the power of framing our new year’s changes as rededication rather than resolutions. As a part of that conversation, I was reminded of the 10 Life Rules I was inspired to develop in late 2021 based on a practice that Gretchen Rubin calls her Commandments for Happiness. 

My 2023 list of 10 Life Rules:

1. Be Tracie

2. Move. Every. Damn. Day.

3. Feel Your Feelings.

4. Don’t Quit, Rest.

5. Express Gratitude. (Write. Doodle. Speak.)

6. Make Room for God.

7. Return with Compassion.

8. Pursue Justice.

9. Practice Equity.

10. Forgive Yourself.
    

Since we posted those Life Rules on social media, we’ve had a number of people ask for more information about the practice, so here I am to share a bit of the behind-the-scenes around creating this list. 

Before I even start, I’ll share that I decided to lose the word “commandment.” I know what Rubin means, and also, I feel better reserving that word for the 613 mitzvot that the sages have gleaned from the Torah (and the 614th of the Shoah). 

For me, this was a matter of appreciative inquiry. I didn’t want to focus on what I felt was broken or lacking. Neither did I want to articulate unrealized aspirations–those things I wish I were but am not. Rather, I was looking to capture what matters and what I know works–even if I don’t always remember to do it in the moment. 

It was important to me to make the list in the imperative. I wanted to feel the command (even though I’m not using the word commandment). 

Some of them are phrases from other contexts that for whatever reason really resonate in my being. “Pursue Justice” is from a verse in Deuteronomy. “Return with Compassion” is an instruction in meditation I learned from my rabbi, and she learned from the Institute for Jewish Spirituality–teshuvah b’rachamim. 

Some of the rules are things that reliably make life better for me but that I don’t always find easy. “Feel Your Feelings” falls into this category. As do “Make Room for God” and “Forgive Yourself.”

The 2023 list is nearly identical to the 2022 list. I replaced “Do Hard Things” with “Express Gratitude,” because it isn’t the hardness of the things that makes them worth doing. And while I still sometimes need the reminder that I CAN do hard things, “Do Hard Things” no longer felt like a life rule. “Express Gratitude. (Write. Doodle. Speak.) is evidence of my appreciative inquiry around my own gratitude practice, including my #gratidoodles, in which I draw my gratitude. (You can find them on my Instagram feed, along with my #sweatyselfies. See the next paragraph.) 

The other revision from last year to this is the addition of “Every. Damn. Day.” to my “Move” rule. In the past 6 months or so, I increased the frequency of my exercise days from 3 to 4 and then to 6 days a week, and I saw exponential benefits. 

Exercise is my antidepressant, analgesic, and mood stabilizer. It is medicine for perimenopause and migraines and stress. It provides emotional release and relief. It is also, for me, a form of spiritual practice. (I use Marcia Falk’s words, in Hebrew or English, before and after I intentionally work out: My soul remembers the holiness of the body. I am grateful.) The power of exercise in my being cannot be contained in the boundaries of a gym or fitness center or even a dojo, (hence “Move.” and not “Exercise.”), and it cannot be an every-once-in-a-while medicine for me. 

Once I had the 10 articulated (Rubin has 12. I felt committed to 10. Call me old fashioned.), I started rearranging, because the order felt important. And then I went into Canva to make it pretty. I wanted to post the rules where I’d see them every day, and I wanted them to be as visually beautiful as they are meaningful to me. 

Want to write your own Life Rules? Start by asking: to what in your life do you want to say “more of this, please”? 

You can also ask yourself what feels like it needs healing, fixing, or like you want less of them, but the life rule is the converse. For instance, I want to be less hard on myself, so my rules are “Return with Compassion” and “Forgive Yourself,” not “Don’t Beat Yourself Up.” 

If, like me, the imperative feels right to you, run with it. But if there is a phrase that is resonating for you that is in a different form, don’t feel constrained. Rubin includes “no calculation” and “there is only love” in her list, so there is precedent for non-imperative rules. 

If you start to wonder, “is this right?” remind yourself, these are your rules, the only person they need to make sense to is you. 

If you’re looking for more examples from others, the Happiness Project has this post with suggestions for writing your own. 

If you want to put your list to the designed versions we did of mine, you can use these templates in Canva for Desktop Wallpaper, or US Letter size (portrait). 

If you’d like to download my list, you can find the images here for the Desktop Wallpaper or US Letter size here.

Once you’ve got your list, we’d love to see and celebrate them with you. Tag us on social media, send your list to us via email, or post it as a comment below.